Husband, Something Important You Should Know About Your Wife

In the course of helping men create a more affectionate, intimate, and sexual relationship with their wife, a LOT of women come to me talking about their greatest struggle in relation to their husband. As a husband, you need to know about this! So, what is a wife’s greatest struggle? In general, it is that she believes her husband is a good man. She believes he is a good provider for the family. She believes he is a good dad. She believes he is a level-headed, dependable man. Overall, she believes that he is a good person and a good citizen. The problem is…she is not sexually attracted to him. As a normal woman, she likes sex. She wants sex all the time with a certain kind of man. She loves the idea of sharing her sexuality with a sexually attractive man. She dreams of passionate, exciting lovemaking. But yet, she doesn’t want this level of sexual closeness with her husband. Now, when she and her husband finally do get around to making love, sometimes it’s kind of good…but again, the problem is that she doesn’t want it with him very often because she is not sexually attracted to him. In effect, she has to reach a certain level of horniness before she is willing to have sex with a man who she is not sexually attracted to…and that is why sex doesn’t happen very often in the typical marriage. And so, a wife’s greatest struggle is that on one hand, her husband is a good man…and on the other hand, she is not sexually attracted to him. In relating to and interacting with her as a woman, her husband does not think, behave, or operate in a way that is attractive, appealing, desirable, or sexy to her and so she is not sexually attracted to him. So, what is a wife supposed to do in this situation? Her dream before she got married was to have a fun, enjoyable, exciting, passionate, intimate, and sexual marriage relationship with a sexy man. That is what she wanted. That is what she dreamed about. That is why she married her husband…because at the dating stage, she believed all of this was possible with him. But, now that she’s married and has got to know her husband for who he really is…and her fantasies about him have been destroyed…well, she just doesn’t feel the “magic” with him. She wants the “magic”…but it’s just not there in relation to her husband. She has always wanted to share a “magical” relationship with a man…and she always will want this. This is STILL what she dreams about. And yet, her husband does not provide her with the manly traits and characteristics she needs in order to be sexually attracted to him. Yes, he is a good man. And yes, he provides many other things for her that are important to her. But, in that most important area of shared sexuality, he does not provide the things she needs in order to be sexually attracted to him. As has been said many times by a lot of smart people, “The enemy of the best is good.” And that my husband friend makes YOU your wife’s enemy. That puts YOU in that place where your wife is pushed away from you…and she is turned off by you…and she ends up being forced to look elsewhere for the “best” that she wants to enjoy with a man. She doesn’t want to look elsewhere. She would much prefer that her husband be the one she feels sexual attraction for. But, he lacks the traits and characteristics she needs, and so he is unable to generate that sexual turn-on inside of her towards him. This is exactly why so many women harbor bitterness and resentment towards their husband…wife after wife is angry at her husband because he does not know how to turn her on. For a while, a woman will try to supplant the sexual relationship she desires with a man by establishing close relationships with children, friends, pets, or her job. But eventually, she will reach that stage where she can no longer tolerate living with unfulfilled sexual desire. This is exactly why there are so many 35 – 50 year old women who seemingly “go crazy” in leaving their husband and family behind. They realize that their life is approximately half-way over with and they are unwilling to spend the last half of their adult life in the same dissatisfying and unfulfilling situation as the first half. And so, they “go crazy” as people call it…but really they are just doing everything they can to find the “passion” they have been dreaming of since they were a teenager. A related element of this struggle that a wife has is that she is “sick and tired” of being her husband’s “momma”. She is “sick and tired” of having to baby-sit and hand-hold her husband in order for him to be “happy”. She is “sick and tired” of having to teach him…and lead him…and guide him…and direct him. Now, on the husband’s side, he is unhappy with his not-very-sexual marriage…he wants his wife to be more sexual with him…and yet, it’s not happening…so what does he do? Well, either he goes to his wife and starts complaining like a little boy…or he starts asking “momma” to teach him how to turn her on so he can get the sex he wants. Well guess what? Neither of these behaviors work…they never have worked and they never will work. They do not work for the husband and they for sure do not work for the wife. A wife cannot be a “momma” and a lover to the same man. Let me say that again; your wife cannot be a “momma” to you…and be your lover at the same time. It will NEVER happen. So, the more a husband tries to get his wife to be a “momma” to him…the more he tries to get her to be a “momma” who takes care of him and gives him all the things he wants, the more she is NOT going to be a lover to him. I am going to go a bit deeper with this… The typical husband asks his wife over and over what it is that she needs in order to be turned on. And, although she may occasionally give him some generic response such as “be more romantic”, she has mostly told him over and over that she doesn’t know exactly…and for the most part, she really does not know because she is a woman…she is wired to just feel turn on or turn-off in response to a man. She’s NOT wired to scientifically, analytically, and logically break down her feelings and needs so that she can communicate them to her husband in a scientific and logical way. And besides, even if she could communicate a “scientific turn-on formula” to her husband, she wouldn’t want to because to do so would undermine and destroy the very passion and excitement that she CRAVES to share with a sexually attractive man. But her husband…showing his fundamental lack of understanding of her…just keeps on asking her for the equivalent of a scientific formula…because he wants to be able to scientifically apply the formula…because he wants to be able to push a button that flips his wife into wanting to give him the sex that he wants with her. And there he is…wanting sex…not understanding why his wife doesn’t want sex…and never realizing that she wants sex so bad she can barely stand it…but just not with him. There he is…not understanding that HIS mode of operation is what is squelching his wife’s ability to share herself with him sexually. At this point, I want to go back to a point I touched on previously… A man needs to understand that often, a wife will still have sex with her husband even when she is not attracted to him. In roughly 95% of all marriages, a wife becomes less and less and less sexual with her husband over time. A wife may get 5, 10, 15, or 20 years into the marriage…depending upon her caliber and capacity…before she reaches that stage where she can no longer have sex with a man that she has not been sexually attracted to for a very long time. But, in the meantime, it is common for a wife to still have sex with her husband even though she does not feel any sexual attraction or desire for him. This truth is manifested in many, many ways. In some marriages, it is manifested by how the wife restricts the sexual activities that are “allowed”…such as blocking some or all oral sex…or allowing only missionary-position sex. In other marriages, it is manifested by the boringness, staleness, and lack of passion that accompanies the sex. Why am I telling you this? Here is why…just because a man and his wife are having sex right now…that does not mean the wife is sexually attracted to her husband. What it means is that she is continuing to give herself to him in hopes that somewhere along the way he will figure out how to be the kind of man who turns her on sexually. Now, just to be clear…as much as it may sound like it, I am NOT down on men. In no way am I suggesting that men are bad. I am saying these things so that men can become aware of what is REALLY going on in their marriage. I am saying these things so that the typical husband can understand that he has not received the education in relation to his wife that he needs to receive and so that he can do something about it and change his marriage accordingly. The conditions and circumstances of the typical marriage proves that the husband has not yet received the education in relation to his wife that he needs. But, just because he has not yet received this education does not mean he has to go through the rest of his life without it. To do so would be just plain stupid…and I think men are a lot smarter than that. So as it applies to you personally, don’t waste another day. Get the education you need. Take care of business. Get on it…and soon enough, your wife will WANT to be on you! Go to www.NymphomaniacWife.com and get my program. Find out how to be a man who thinks, behaves, and operates in a way that is appealing, attractive, desirable, and sexy to your wife. Get yourself educated on how to BE the man who your wife IS sexually attracted to. Discover the traits and characteristics your wife needs you to possess in order to be turned on by you. Copyright 2012 by Calle Zorro Calle Zorro helps men create a marriage relationship that is filled with sexual intimacy. Too many men are needlessly suffering from a lack of sex in a sexless marriage with what feels like a frigid, non-sexual wife. The truth is that they can fix their marriage relationship and enjoy a satisfying sex-life. Get rid of that not enough sex problem and create your own sexual marriage at www.NymphomaniacWife.com

Husband, If Your Wife Is Not Very Sexual…

Let's make sure we are on the same page...

Do you frequently find yourself frustrated because your wife rarely wants sex?

Is the best that you ever hear from your wife something like, "We can "be together" if that's what you want..."?

When you do finally get around to making love, does it feel like your wife is mostly just doing you a favor...that she is giving you something that she doesn't really want herself?

Is your wife "so close" and yet so far away...as in she will undress in front of you...or even walk around naked in front of you...or she will dress in attractive clothes...or sit in provocative ways around you...but yet she doesn't want you touching her "in that way"?

Or perhaps, are you in a situation where you've given up on sex and you would just like to get back to the place where you could hold your wife's hands, cuddle with her, and kiss her again?

Have you had conversation after conversation and fight after fight over the subject of sex...only to have your wife tell you something along the lines of, "It's not you...it's me.  I just don't need sex.  That's just not something I want...sex just doesn't really do anything for me...it's just not a big deal to me..."?

An importantly, DID YOU BELIEVE YOUR WIFE WHEN SHE SAID THIS?

Many husbands do believe their wife when she says this.  It feels better to their ego to believe that their wife is just not very sexual than to believe that it has something to do with them personally.  The idea that they somehow lack that special something that turns their wife on is not very appealing to them so they choose to believe that their wife is a non-sexual person.

Let me tell you straight up what 19+ years of experience in the field of marriage relationships has taught me: to believe that your wife is not very sexual is a HUGE mistake that WILL cost you dearly in the long run.

Now, to validate this statement, I want you to consider some things from your own experience...

How many men have you personally known...or known of...where their wife wasn't a very sexual woman...until she ran off with another man?

A little closer to home...

What about those few times when you and your wife were out somewhere...and a certain man came around...and all of a sudden it was like your wife turned into a different person...her eyes lit up...her body language changed...her smile brightened up...AND YOU COULD TELL THAT SHE WAS FEELING ATTRACTION TOWARDS THE OTHER MAN?

Didn't it especially hurt to know that was the kind of attraction you wish she would show towards you?

(I won't even ask you about the jealousy, the big fight, and the fallout that probably happened afterwards.)

What about those sexually-charged books, TV shows, or movies that your wife gets into?

As you face up to the truth...as you get honest with yourself...as you look at what really is, do you feel that little tug of fear in your gut?

If you do, that is a good thing.  That is inner wisdom letting you know that YOU need to take action and become the kind of man that your wife IS attracted to and that she CAN open up and share her sexuality with.

Nobody can make you become this kind of man.  But, you will be the one who pays the price if you don't.

Many guys procrastinate until it's too late.  It's cheaper and easier for them to do nothing and continue being angry at their wife while blaming and criticizing her. 

But, when their wife finally gives up and says she "just can't do it anymore..." all of a sudden they want to spring into action.  All of a sudden, they want to "work on their marriage".  All of a sudden, they really want to know how to become an attractive man.  I urge you...be smarter than that...be smarter than to procrastinate until it's too late.

Yes, it will cost you some money...but mentally put that money in one hand...and mentally put your wife and your marriage in your other hand...weigh the two...and ask yourself, "Which is more important: a few dollars or my wife?"

Copyright 2012 by Calle Zorro

Husband, This Is THE Solution If You Want An Affectionate, Sexual Marriage Relationship With Your Wife

7 Tips for Talking Openly About Sex With Your Husband Or Wife

How many times have you wanted to talk about something sex-related with your spouse but just could not seem to ever get it out?

How much unhappiness have you experienced … what lackluster results do you continue to experience … because you have not yet been able to say to your spouse what you really want to say about sex?

Or, how many times have you tried to talk about something sex-related with your partner only to have it turn into an unpleasant, unhappy situation?

Whether you need to talk about a fantasy or a desire that you have in the sex-department … or you need to discuss a sex-related problem that is robbing you of satisfaction … it is important that a person be able to openly talk about sex with their husband or wife in such a way that they can effect positive and permanent changes.

Based on this, consider the following tips on how to talk more openly about sex with your husband or wife … and how to do it in such a way that you get good results that improve your marriage relationship with your spouse … and create greater satisfaction for you personally:

1. Mitigate embarrassment on both your part and your spouse’s part.

Understand that you have some amount of embarrassment and awkwardness in having sex-related discussions … and that your spouse also feels some amount of embarrassment and awkwardness … perhaps even more than you do … about sex-related discussions.

So, to lessen the embarrassment and awkwardness that your spouse feels, you must FIRST lessen the embarrassment and awkwardness that YOU feel. The more relaxed, calm, and at-ease you are, the more relaxed, calm, and at-ease your spouse can be.

This is super important because if you are nervous, uptight, and on edge while you are trying to have a sex-related discussion with your spouse, then more than anything else, your spouse is going to get the message and feeling that “something is wrong”. And when that happens, it doesn’t matter what you say, the REAL message that “something is wrong” is communicated and conveyed … which means your spouse is going to become negative and defensive … which means you will not get the positive changes and outcomes you want.

2. Mitigate insecurities on both your part and your spouse’s part.

Another aspect of helping your spouse talk more openly about sex with you is by becoming aware of your own fears, concerns, insecurities, and inadequacies … from your young adult years all the way up to now … and then being strong enough to speak openly about those things so that your spouse can realize that while the details and particulars may be different, you are very much like them in that you just want to “be enough” for them, you very much want to please them, and that you want to be satisfied and fulfilled too.

Therefore, the less focused you are on your own insecurities, the less your spouse must focus on their insecurities. Stated differently, the more you are focused on mutually-beneficial outcomes and results, and the less you are focused on perceived inadequacies (whether your own or your companion’s), the more likely you are to effect the positive changes you desire.

Now, this can take significant resolve, control, and strength on YOUR part because more often than not, when it comes time to have a sex-related conversation, it is because one person feels cheated and the other feels criticized which means you must take the lead in pulling yourself out of your negative feelings so that you can help your spouse get above their negative feelings.

3. Mitigate the fear of loss on both your part and your spouse’s part.

BEFORE you get into a discussion about a sex-related issue, state and affirm that from your perspective, you and your spouse are on the same team and that you want everything to be an absolute win for both members of the team. State and affirm your ongoing commitment to your spouse … and your firm belief in their commitment to you. State and affirm that you want the very best for your spouse … and your firm belief that they want the very best for you too. State and affirm your desire to share and enjoy a long, happy, satisfying, fulfilling life with your spouse … and your belief that they want the same thing with you.

Moreover, be prepared so that you are able to speak about multiple things you really like about your spouse as he or she presently is. This is important because it is hard for a person to be positively motivated to make positive changes when what you are saying … and what they are thinking … is focusing them upon negatives.

Also, in your own mind MAKE SURE that YOU make the SWITCH so that YOU are GENUINELY thinking about a better, happier FUTURE with your spouse instead of an unhappy, dissatisfying PAST … and that you speak from that better future perspective.

4. Express confidence in both yourself and your spouse.

Assure your spouse that you are fully confident in their ability to be everything you want them to be for you … and in your ability to be everything they want you to be for them … and that goodwill, learning, practice, commitment, attention, focus, and effort WILL infallibly make all that is good and right even better … and fix anything that needs to be fixed.

On a related note, do not go into a sex-related conversation thinking that you or your spouse is broken, messed up, or weird. Neither one of you is “broken” and to think so is position yourself in a not-very-useful place that will hinder you in effecting the changes you desire.

5. Pick the right time to have a sex-related discussion.

This is completely obvious … and yet, people get something on their mind … and that something really starts “bugging” them … and before long, they are spewing, dumping, and unloading at the worst possible time and in the worst possible way.

Do not let yourself fall into this snare as it will only make it more difficult for you to effect the changes you desire. Take control of your mind, your thoughts, and your emotions so that they serve you in a useful way instead of making your life harder.

6. Know what you DO want as well as what you do not want.

Too many times, people know what they do not want … and that is all they know because that is what emotionally consumes them. So, make sure you devote time to understanding yourself what it is that you really want … and why you want it … and understand what you want well enough that you can clearly articulate it in a warm, loving way that is not critical or offensive.

Related to this, speak about what you want in positive terms. It is self-evident that a statement like, “I don’t like it when you don’t kiss me very often” will not be nearly as inspiring or motivating as something like, “I would like for both of us to find a way to enjoy kissing each other more often“.

7. Stay strong, firm, courageous, confident, and resolute.

Any time there is something unpleasant to be handled or addressed, people have a major tendency to try to set it aside. You will likely encounter this tendency with your spouse. As you attempt to set up a sex-related conversation with your spouse, they will likely try to sidestep it, procrastinate on it, or push it off to some later time.

Knowing that this is likely to happen, you must be emotionally prepared to be firm and determined about having this conversation. You must be ready so that you are not pushed away or brushed off.

This is important because all too often, what happens is that a person initiates a conversation with their spouse, their spouse avoids or procrastinates, and then the person goes away thinking their spouse doesn’t care about them, doesn’t love them, and isn’t interested in them.

The TRUTH is that the spouse would rather avoid facing their weaknesses because it is easier and less stressful than doing the work to make the improvements that are needed.

Of course, you don’t want to position yourself in an adversarial way, so that is why you want to show strength and firmness … which will convey to your partner that you are serious and that this is a discussion that will be treated with the seriousness that is appropriate and necessary.

There is another element that can come into play…

Sometimes, when a spouse realizes that they cannot ignore or get out of a conversation, they may try to shut you down and stop you cold by counter-attacking you.

If this happens, you simply acknowledge that you are completely open to discussing and resolving all issues in a manner that is satisfactory to both of you … but that you are not going to let other issues distract either one of you from addressing one thing at a time … starting with the issues you have already raised … and when those are resolved, THEN the two of you can move to the next set of issues to resolve.

Keep these 7 tips in mind for the next time you need to speak with your spouse about something of a sexual nature.

Copyright © 2011 by Calle Zorro 

Calle Zorro helps men create and maintain the happy, affectionate, and intimate marriage relationship with their wife that they really want...he helps men expose the attractive MAN that's hidden away inside of them...the kind of man their wife DREAMS of being intimate with...the kind of man their wife WANTS to be close to.  http://www.MarriedAndHappy.com